When Convenience Kills Community (WOOM 01/20/26)

Transcript

[00:00:01]Darius: I usually like to be snowed in with a face full of ***** but I don't think that's in the cards. It's like, nothing like, usually what I like to be snowed in with, **** this French toast. I would like some warm sweet potato yams. Welcome to Out the Trunk with Jordan and Darius. My name is Darius. That's D's I Love the Area on all socials.

[00:00:30]Jordan: And I'm Jordan. That's Jordan B Riding on all socials.

[00:00:34]Darius: We call this segment What's On Our Mind, letting you guys know what we saw on the internet throughout the week. If you are not listening to us in the Southeast, you probably aren't aware that we're about to get a hit with a snowstorm apparently. When is it supposed to come through?

[00:00:50]Jordan: This weekend? Yeah, Saturday, Saturday and or Sunday.

[00:00:54]Darius: Okay, perfect. Because my usual grocery store run is Saturday morning. And so got you got you. I can knock that out. So what are some of your favorite snow day activities?

[00:01:08]Jordan: So we usually do. Have you ever had snow cream?

[00:01:12]Darius: I'm afraid to ask.

[00:01:16]Jordan: So we put up a big bowl out on the patty or the deck to catch the snow. And then we actually use that to make homemade ice cream. So it's one of our snow day traditions. Hot chocolate, go outside, use if there's enough snow, **** around, throw some snowballs, sledding, play with Charlie, that sort of thing. We'll maybe watch, we'll do like this winter still, we'll be throwing some Christmas movies or something like that. And just chill for the most part. We keep it pretty simple. Nothing too extravagant. We used to like be big sledders because our neighborhood is just all hills. So like, it's like the best ever to go up there and just go sledding and ****. But yeah, we got a little bit too old for that. So.

[00:02:13]Darius: I don't really, I do plan on taking on some cooking projects this week. I actually already kind of wanted to stay in the crib for a weekend because just, it's not, I like to about one.

[00:02:25]Jordan: We just went out for four days in a row, basically.

[00:02:26]Darius: Yeah. And so I like to, so it's kind of like perfect timing for me. So I'm gonna do I've been kind of feeling uninspired in the kitchen lately. So this is kind of snapped me out of the phone. It's a bit more, do a couple more complex projects and hopefully, I'm not sure what I'll cook yet, but that's kind of the plan. Bunker down. How bad is it supposed to be? Do you know?

[00:02:52]Jordan: Yeah, that's what I'm trying to figure out. Let me see. The weather app is not really, or my phone at least is not really saying specifically how much.

[00:03:05]Darius: This is a bad audio, but it's going to snow. It is going to. And the thing is, that it doesn't take much here because we don't have the infrastructure for it. So correct.

[00:03:19]Jordan: I will say everything is shut down.

[00:03:20]Darius: Pretty much. And what I will say to the people is that perishable goods are not, you don't need to stock up on milk and eggs and butter and things like that for two days. Monday the world returns to normal. Bread goes bad. What's with the perishable goods? Why don't, like, whenever there's a snowstorm, why do people buy a bunch of stuff that spoils fast? Can someone explain that to me?

[00:03:45]Jordan: I don't know. I think there's a little bit of PTSD in North Carolina from, there was a crazy snowstorm happened. I think I was in like second or third grade, so would have been maybe like 99 or 2000. And they told us like, it'll be like a little winter makes nothing crazy. And we got 2 feet of snow and we were out of school for like 3 weeks. Okay. And I think people just like never recovered from that.

[00:04:10]Darius: But like that to me, that's canned goods. That's pantry staples. I'm not sure what milk is gonna do for you.

[00:04:17]Jordan: I think it's one of those things where just like, people are so afraid of like worst case scenario happening that, oh **** you got me.

[00:04:25]Darius: I can hear you perfectly clear, but your video is frozen.

[00:04:28]Jordan: Okay.

[00:04:30]Darius: This is probably as clear as I've ever heard you. It's like, there you're back.

[00:04:34]Jordan: What was I about to say? ****. Oh, I remember now. It's one of those things where I think people are so afraid of being like unprepared that they just take any sort of action to feel like they're properly prepared, you know? And they're like, let me just buy whatever I can think of and get my hands on. And that'll make me feel safe. Like, remember when COVID happened and everybody just Bought all the toilet paper.

[00:04:54]Darius: At least that doesn't go bad. True.

[00:04:58]Jordan: That is a non-perishable.

[00:05:01]Darius: No, I mean, look, it's not the end of the world. If you buy a little bit too much milk, that's not the craziest thing. But I think definitely gonna do probably, you know, some French toast. And then maybe fry some chicken. I don't know. I haven't actually done anything other than cook like for like regular meals in a long time. So it's got you. It's been a minute. It's been since basically dry January or dry November since I've actually bust some bust some bust some pans out. So that should be fun. Yeah.

[00:05:35]Jordan: So it is perfect soup weather if you want to get creative.

[00:05:38]Darius: Soup weather, chilly. But I wish that it was last weekend because it was football all weekend. And this week it's just nothing to watch. Speaking of football ending, summer or not summer, but first like weekend with the football clears your calendar out. Yeah. Thinking about rewatching the show. Should I rewatch Game of Thrones or Mad Men?

[00:06:07]Jordan: I mean, winter is coming. You got to go to Game of Thrones. If we're going to get stuck in the snow, you might as well go all the way to Winterfell.

[00:06:14]Darius: Yeah, that's true. And that is the show I've watched less than Mad Men. So.

[00:06:21]Jordan: Gotcha, okay.

[00:06:22]Darius: I think Game of Thrones.

[00:06:23]Jordan: I've only done like one or two rewatches of Game of Thrones, actually, like 4 rewatches. I haven't done a full one in maybe a year or two.

[00:06:31]Darius: I mean, it just ended, **** nevermind, seven years ago. Right.

[00:06:38]Jordan: We've gotten 2 spin-offs since then.

[00:06:39]Darius: Yeah, well, yeah. I tried House of Dragons. It's not for me.

[00:06:45]Jordan: Yeah, no, I'm, season 2 lost me pretty much forever.

[00:06:49]Darius: It was, it just feels like, when you were in school and it was like 1000 word limit, but you only had 300 words of material. So you just talked and started using passive tense and ****.

[00:07:01]Jordan: I went to go to the store because I had to run some errands.

[00:07:05]Darius: Yeah, it's just, it's just what it feels like. I just feel like there's just not anything left and they're just trying to lick it last as long as they possibly can.

[00:07:13]Jordan: Yeah, it's like the entertainment equivalent of word salad.

[00:07:16]Darius: Yeah, pretty much. So you saw a tweet about successful people. You want to give people the cliff notes?

[00:07:23]Jordan: Yeah, let me pull the tweet up here. Who tweeted it? Let me give them their credit. damn. I'm getting my bookmarks.

[00:07:34]Darius: I have it if you.

[00:07:38]Jordan: Okay, I found it. Brittany Hugo Boom wanted to give her credit. Yeah, it's kind of long tweet. I'll just give a couple of bullet points. One thing I've noticed about highly successful people is that they always do what they say they'll do. When you text them, unless they're in a meeting, they're responsive. This is why they say give projects to a busy person. They get things done. They don't flake. They're true to their word. I've noticed that this generation laments the loss of house parties and social events, yet people flake 5 minutes beforehand because they'd rather watch Netflix and chill or whatever. We live in a generation of flakes. I was recently with an esthetician who modeled in their early 90s. She was older, but still gorgeous. And she told me that when her agent said word to me, she got on a train and showed up because you couldn't just text and cancel. I thought that was super interesting because I'd never really seen success spoken about in that way.

[00:08:29]Darius: I agree. Although I do think she's conflating a couple of things. Like it starts as like, you know, successful people are reliable and then it gets into flaky people. Just like Friends National at the House party. I think that's just two different conversations. But I had never saw it that way as well. And I don't know very many successful flaky people. I really don't. I really don't.

[00:08:52]Jordan: Yeah. Like everybody that I know that's successful is committed into everything that they do. Like they're disciplined in every, if they choose to be disciplined in this thing, they're gonna be disciplined in it and you know that they're gonna, you're gonna see results.

[00:09:03]Darius: Yeah, it's just, and if they say they're going to do something, if they say they're gonna do X by Y, they really do X by Y. It's, you know, Obviously, things come up here and there, but I just, I never really, I really don't know many people who I would deem like successful or aspirational or any of that who are unreliable and flaky. I just don't.

[00:09:23]Jordan: Yeah. Like, not at all. Yeah. Like, and if they are, it's in like a niche area or something that's not actually pertaining to, you know, their vocation or their obligations to the people, to their village, so to speak. You know, I was having a conversation with a friend actually a couple of days ago. talking about like commitment and discipline and inconsistency. And there's people who like talk about doing something and they talk about it so much you think that they're actually gonna do or they're actually doing it. And then you see them and you don't see the results versus people who kind of just do it or say they're gonna do it and then they do it. And you're like, okay, I see you, it actually like coming to fruition for you because you're putting in the work.

[00:10:04]Darius: Yeah, it's, you know, especially when it comes to creative space, I think a lot of people, romanticize the flaky creative and the person who is in and out. But even in those spaces, man, the people who are most successful, the people who are reliable, it's just, it's hard.

[00:10:23]Jordan: There's a reason Wayne didn't get the Super Bowl.

[00:10:25]Darius: Right. And you know, if you ask anyone who's ever worked with dot, the first thing they'll say is like 7 o'clock means 7 o'clock to him. Like it doesn't, you know, he's not, he's there for rehearsal. Obviously he's an extremely creative person, but you know, behind every, it was, I think there was, it was Mario, Mario, Mario. I don't know how you pronounce it. He was on stage and he was just being * **** to the guy who was recording, who was obviously like filming for the festival promoters or whatever. Yeah. And someone quote tweeted, it was like, you always wonder why some artists never really blew up or fell off. And then you realize why. No, you find out. It's like that. You find out why. So they're either ********* or unreliable. And you just can't, you have to be, extraordinarily talented to overcome being an unreliable ********. And most people are not that talented. Correct.

[00:11:16]Jordan: And I like that there's that whole trope of like, you know, in this kind of era of like, you know, like Fight Club, Whiplash, what's the other movie about like super dedicated people? I can't remember what it is, what it is, but where it's like people also think like Steve Jobs, any of the Steve Jobs movies where they think like to be great, you have to be an *******. And it's like, that's not, like there's a famous line Seth Rogen says to Steve Jobs in the movie, he says, you know, you can be decent and great, they're not binary. You know, if people think like, oh, I gotta be an ******* to be great. And it's like, well, no, you can not be a diva and you can, like you can get away with being a diva if you're that great, but that doesn't mean you have to be, that's not a byproduct of your greatness.

[00:11:58]Darius: Also, when you talk about someone like Steve Jobs, who was notoriously a ********. You're talking about basically modern day Leonardo da Vinci. This is not you, know, the royal you. Like this man was one of the greatest inventors of our time.

[00:12:12]Jordan: Yes.

[00:12:13]Darius: His talent is such that he can do that. If you're betting on being that talented, you're probably making a bad bet. You should be reliable and not a ********.

[00:12:20]Jordan: And also, if your name is on the door, you kind of got carte blanche.

[00:12:26]Darius: I mean, has there been a more transformational piece of technology than the iPhone?

[00:12:30]Jordan: Not that I, not recently, not in the last.

[00:12:34]Darius: So unless you got one of those in your tongue, you might not need to move around.

[00:12:38]Jordan: Yeah, you might want to be consistent and follow your word and do what you say you can do.

[00:12:43]Darius: You know, like if that's the model. I hope you got an iPhone in that brain because I don't think people would have put up with that if he was making like TVs, like you got to be something beyond anything we've seen before. Someone said true technological innovation feels like magic. And the first time I saw an iPhone, I was like, that looks like a magic trick. Right.

[00:13:06]Jordan: Airdrop still doesn't really make any sense to me. You know what I mean?

[00:13:09]Darius: I mean, the first time I went on the internet, that felt like a magic trick. I was like, I can just see all the scores from the game last night on this one. I don't have to go find a piece of paper. And like, I can just look at all the movies that are listed and it's that one. I don't have to call a number and wait for the phone to tell me.

[00:13:24]Jordan: I don't got to go to Redbox and Blockbuster RIP to them.

[00:13:30]Darius: It felt like magic. Unless you got one of those, you should probably, you should probably do what you say you're gonna do.

[00:13:36]Jordan: Yeah, I agree. It's like, you know, the whole, there's a thing about, you know, Mariah Carey where she doesn't, I think they say she doesn't leave her house for anything less than a million.

[00:13:42]Darius: Yeah.

[00:13:42]Jordan: And it's like, well, when you sold that many records and even you've written that many hits, you can stay the **** home. If not, you can either stop the performance, performance, performative agoraphobia.

[00:13:52]Darius: Well, it's like people like these new artists. They want to just drop at midnight with no promo. And it's like beyoncé. You're not beyoncé. You're not beyoncé. beyoncé has 20 years of equity with a fan base that's loyal to her. And you may be too young to realize this, but beyoncé was outside in the beginning. She did. She did the BET award. She did club shows, promo, red carpets. She can do that now because she put the work in. You skipping steps. You're right.

[00:14:22]Jordan: That's a great point because that's the thing too now with like white artists don't connect with fans is they don't do interviews. And, you know, beyoncé didn't stop doing interviews, didn't start the whole new interview thing until, I don't know, what, 5, 6, 7, 8 years ago, you know?

[00:14:36]Darius: I would say 2014, the self-title, when that dropped, I think that's when she went into her new... But again, 2014 is 20 years into her career. This is... Right, because she came out, what, 96? This is...

[00:14:48]Jordan: Yeah.

[00:14:49]Darius: So she'd already been a touring artist and had an... I mean, has enough equity with the fan base that's going to show up regardless. You can't move like beyoncé when you Summer Walker. It don't work like that. It don't. It don't.

[00:15:04]Jordan: Yeah, you get.

[00:15:05]Darius: We need to hear from you. What happened in this song? What did you mean? People need to connect with you because you're not you're not dropping at midnight. I go to bed at 1130. I'm not staying up to listen to. But but so many people, it ain't many, right?

[00:15:19]Jordan: That's very true. Yeah. I think also. There's just like a, I just feel like successful people generally, there is a, there's like a insecure self-awareness they have. I know that it sounds like moronic, but it's, they think they know that they're great, but they also know what they need to work on. And they also do, most of them have a little bit of imposter syndrome or have some sort of void that they're trying to fill, which is why they work so hard a lot more often than not. You know, like I remember watching an interview with Tom Brady years ago when he was in his prime and he was saying, you know, I watched film and I'm like, My arm's kind of cool. Like, it's all right. It's not that great. You know, I could be better at reading defenses. You know, my footwork, I got to get it a little more sharp. You know what I'm saying? This was when he had already won three. This was before he was on the rise, you know. And I think that's also what makes people great as well-being able to self-evaluate. Like, keeping your ego, but you know, knowing when to leave it at the door.

[00:16:19]Darius: It just, it goes back to beyoncé. And while her music isn't for me, like I see the clips and the Cowboy Carter tour, she's on a ******* car flying in a trapeze across the stadium.

[00:16:29]Jordan: Yeah.

[00:16:29]Darius: She doesn't do that no more. She could show up with a guitar and sit on a stool and sing and that ***** would still be packed out. What drives her is innate. Like you can't, you know, I can't teach that. She's clearly pushing to for a different level when she doesn't have to anymore. Again.

[00:16:47]Jordan: She'll probably never vocalize it because we don't we'll never know what her goal is because her probably goal is probably the greatest ever but you people are so averse to confidence that you can't say that you know without people perceiving it a certain way. Like back to Brady I remember there was a story where Julian Edelman told he said so Tom like You're going for four rings, right? You want to, you want to catch Montana? He's like, no, I'm not going for, I'm not going for Montana. He's like, I'm trying to catch Jordan. I want seven. Like, that's crazy.

[00:17:15]Darius: Yeah. I mean, especially in a sport like football.

[00:17:18]Jordan: Yeah.

[00:17:19]Darius: Where, I mean, for all of his accolades, the fact that he left New England in the first year, he went right back to the Super Bowl and won it. It's just.

[00:17:28]Jordan: Yeah.

[00:17:29]Darius: It really did.

[00:17:32]Jordan: It killed the Aaron Rodgers comparison. It killed the who was more important to him or Bill Belichick. That sounds a lot of ****.

[00:17:39]Darius: Yeah, I mean, the first year, he just went right back and beat Mahomes.

[00:17:44]Jordan: By the way, in a pandemic with no basically no training camp.

[00:17:46]Darius: Yeah, I they only made some of those.

[00:17:49]Jordan: That's correct. And that's also as much of an indictment of James Winston as well.

[00:17:55]Darius: I mean. He's a backup quarterback. So yeah. All right, man. I saw a tweet the other day or today, actually 5 minutes before we logged in. And the prompt was, what are things, what are some things that are antisocial but feel pro-social? I think I have a good one, but I will leave the floor to you to go first.

[00:18:23]Jordan: I would say self checkout. It's antisocial, but feels pro-social. Like it's efficient, but it's, you know, one is taking away jobs. That's pretty antisocial. And also it's neutralizing, again, some of the social, natural social interactions that we do have. You know, like I worked at a grocery store and, you know, you have regulars that you, they see, you see them all the time and they'll make a point to stop and come through your register. Those little moments, things of that nature, you know, you develop a reporter and damn near friendship with certain people, especially if it's like a neighborhood grocery store, things of that nature. So I'd say that's the first, that was the first thing that came to mind when you posed the prompt.

[00:19:03]Darius: Yeah, well, so the thing about self-checkout, and look, I'm not a St. I use it sometimes too, but yeah, me too. Yeah, for sure. And you end up having to call someone over to help you anyway. And it does make life efficient in a way that feels cold. And it's just, it removes some of the serendipity. We're going to have like one of my ding words. I use that one a lot on the pod. But it does like, there's random.

[00:19:34]Jordan: Movies that you get that.

[00:19:37]Darius: Like you said, a little convo with the clerk. ask you what you're cooking, look at your ingredients.

[00:19:45]Jordan: Yeah.

[00:19:46]Darius: People in line at the cart, you just, you see interaction with people that, everything isn't supposed to be optimized for efficiency. Some things should be inefficient. And I think going to the grocery store is one of those things that, you know, you will miss it when it's gone, you know.

[00:20:04]Jordan: So yeah.

[00:20:05]Darius: Mine is Club sections, sections in nightclubs. I agree. They feel very pro-social because you're outside, you left your house. And you're with people. You're with people, but you've removed all of the hijinks from going out and you've just basically transported your living room to a nightclub. Like there's- That's expensive.

[00:20:31]Jordan: Because you're not talking to anybody but the people that you came there with.

[00:20:35]Darius: You just took your kickback and brought it to a club.

[00:20:38]Jordan: Yeah. And that's it. You teleported basically.

[00:20:40]Darius: Yeah, that's it. And it's just that you're literally roped off from strangers.

[00:20:44]Jordan: Yep.

[00:20:46]Darius: And you paid a premium to do this and you're sitting down. And you just, all you need is your couch. You just bring your couch.

[00:20:52]Jordan: Correct.

[00:20:53]Darius: And put it in the middle of the club.

[00:20:54]Jordan: The people in the people, like I've been in sections, you know, whatever. Like the people that are in the section more often than not are not even dancing. So you like you **** *** are just sitting on the couch.

[00:21:04]Darius: You teleported from your living room and you just brought your living room to the club.

[00:21:09]Jordan: It's like that.

[00:21:10]Darius: DJ to just play in your living room.

[00:21:12]Jordan: Yeah, remember that two chase line? He's like, what do you type of crew to get fresh is to sit in the living room? That's what I think of sections.

[00:21:19]Darius: And it's just. I when I was in the clubs, like the sections were special occasions. Yeah, you do a section, but the idea that this was just how we like the fun was meeting strange people. Yes. The fun was meeting random people. I don't understand it. And to me, it's just one of the it's just that's the first thing I thought of when I read that prom. I was like clubs, club sections, because You're getting dressed, you're leaving the house, but you're doing it in the most anti-social way.

[00:21:52]Jordan: And you're literally not socializing at all.

[00:21:54]Darius: No, like you can literally, you're skipping the line. So you're not even drunk talking with people in the line at the club.

[00:22:02]Jordan: You're not going to the bar because you got the section. You got the bar section.

[00:22:05]Darius: You literally, some of these clubs take you in through a secret hallway.

[00:22:09]Jordan: Yeah, or separate a separate line. Yeah, that's true.

[00:22:13]Darius: You walk through the club and then you just sit in the stairwell roped off from everybody else. You made, how do you make going to the club antisocial? You gotta work and you pay a premium for this. You paid 10 times what the other people paid.

[00:22:31]Jordan: And that's one of the few things that isn't a result of cell phones. like cell phones obviously ruined going out a lot, but that's one of the things that has nothing to do with cell phones. That's just people wanting to look cool. I feel like.

[00:22:44]Darius: It's just spending money just to say you spent it without actually wondering if there's a value in this is just I just feel like there's no bigger example of that than sections in the club.

[00:23:00]Jordan: I agree.

[00:23:01]Darius: Want to talk about some difficult conversations?

[00:23:04]Jordan: Yeah. So I was just thinking about some, just reflecting and thinking about **** for the talk about it for the pod and stuff. And I just thought about navigating difficult conversations with friends and how to go about that. I wanted to ask how, if we've all had different conversations with each other and with our friends and stuff, you know. And I wanted to ask you like, do you think about or try to like prepare what you're going to say beforehand? Like how are you going to bring it up to the friend? Or do you just kind of just say it and hope that they take it in the best way? Like take it, knowing that you have positive intent?

[00:23:40]Darius: It depends on the conversation. And the gender matters. I've found that a colder, more straightforward approach works better with men than women. You want to catch it a little bit. Men respond better to, what is it? What is it? Carrots and sticks is the saying. Men respond better to sticks when we respond better to carrots. But yeah, I don't like practice it, but I definitely, because I can be a bit tough with words. So I definitely run through which words would not go over well beforehand, but I don't think I practice it, so to speak. How about you?

[00:24:35]Jordan: I usually, I mean, like I like what you said, the gender does play a big role in how and when I deliver it. With guys, with my guy friends, you don't really have to wait as long to kind of say the thing that you need to say or that you think they need to hear. You can just kind of say it and then they'll pretty much take it. You know, we don't all think the same, but they, you know, we know how each other thinks. And so there's less filter you have to use, which is nice. So I don't have to spend as much time trying to figure out how to tell them. With some of my women friends, I'll maybe wait until they bring something up in reference to whatever the topic is that needs addressing. Or I'll I wait till I feel like they're in a really good headspace. Like if they're going through something, I'll be like, okay, maybe now that'd be, may not be the season to have this conversation. But if they're in a good headspace, then I'll kind of bring it up. Or if I feel like they've started to address it on their own, then I'll be like, okay, yeah, I did notice these things. And this is something that I, you know, I also thought was a blind spot for you as well. And I'm glad that you are working on that.

[00:25:44]Darius: The problem with women is that they're not always seeking answers. They just, if it could do 3, 2. One. So let me ask you this. Are you able to get are you capable of giving an example that's vague enough with no identifying markers so that the people can like know your approach to it?

[00:26:03]Jordan: Yeah. Okay. Yeah. With a man or woman or just any.

[00:26:08]Darius: Women.

[00:26:10]Jordan: Okay.

[00:26:10]Darius: Yeah.

[00:26:11]Jordan: Okay. Yeah. Yeah. I had a situation where

[00:26:18]Darius: I just throw your grenade. You could just say no. That's why I asked.

[00:26:23]Jordan: No, it's just because there's some examples I don't, you know, anyway. So yeah, so this particular time I was dealing with a friend and they were, it was like over a year or two ago. They were, I just noticed they were like not, okay, do you know about attachment styles, like anxious versus avoidant?

[00:26:50]Darius: I've heard of it, yes, but I'm not well versed in the literature.

[00:26:53]Jordan: So this friend exhibited traits of being an anxious attachment style, like just being overly eager in dating situations and **** like that. And we were hanging out one time, we were out drinking and I'd been just wanting to tell them this for a while, but the situation never came up. We're always in big group settings and **** like that. So I didn't, you know, there's never the time and place. And I just kind of like, hey, I just got to tell you this and it's kind of random. And I was just like, you're amazing, but I feel like you don't know that and you're and you're like not and you're not acting like it. You know what I mean? And like people can like sense that energy from you. Like when you when you're not, you know, fulfilled and when you're not like fully self-assured and that, you know, it's like a aura of I'll just say it's like an aura of desperation that can kind of emanate from you. And we've all done it, but I was just saying like, and when you have that, it attracts people who are like, that's a needy person. That's an insecure person. They need validation. And if I can give the validation, I can get whatever I want from them. And that was kind of the situation. They would tell me situations, they'd have these patterns of cycles of, you know, this guy did this and this guy said that, and it didn't work out. And I'm like, well, you put too, you just were doing too much and you, didn't get to give the guy the chance to pursue you because you were so eager. And then that, because of that, guys are reactive. Like if you're attractive, guys will be like, okay, cool. Like, you know what I mean? Which means he's not really pursuing you. So you don't really know how much he's actually interested in you.

[00:28:31]Darius: How do you, so if it's just, it's one thing, okay, so I've been in this situation where it's something that I thought I knew, but like, You can also get so close that you're not seeing it straight yourself. And like I knew it was an issue when other people would come to me as like a source, like, hey, have you noticed this? And I'm like, okay, now that I feel obligated, are you, okay, you're with me. I feel obligated to say something because I'm big on, I don't like talking behind people's backs. And so once you reach the point where other people are talking about it, now it's almost my obligation to bring it because I know it's not just me. And so, you know, that's tough though, because if it's just me, I'm really hesitant, especially when it comes to other people's dating lives, because it's really none of my business and these people grow up. And if it's, obviously we're not talking about abuse or crime or anything like that. We're just talking about just like doing too much. Especially as a homeboy, because how do I know that I'm not seeing it correctly if it's just me noticing it and no one said anything else. So it's tough. It's tough, especially with women. So because I don't, I can't speak to what There have been situations where I thought so-and-so was doing too much and they ended up getting married, living happily ever after. So I don't, I'm not a ******* relationship. I don't know what works and what doesn't. There's no universal playbook. I could just be like, I wouldn't, you know, and then I wouldn't. But when it becomes a groundswell of other people saying it, now it's like, okay, we're not going to talk about so-and-so behind their back. So, you know.

[00:30:23]Jordan: And I've had that situation. I've had that too with a friend where it was like, other people notice certain behaviors and ****. And it was like, I kind of had to tell him or tell him as best I could because they were not really in a good space at the time. And I was kind of like, hey, you know, you're doing a lot. You know, you're not really putting yourself in the best light. You're making yourself look less than who I believe you to be and who you actually are. And that's just not a good look because people see you and they see the awesomeness and they see all your talents and all the things that make you special. But when you get in these certain social situations, you become, yeah, you become, you become like, I had a friend told me this once. It was a guy friend so we could be honest with each other. And this was back in my mid 20s. I was really young and insecure and really like in a space of needing validation. And he just kind of gave a metaphor. He was like, yo, you act like a stray dog. Like he was just like. But he was right. I got it and he was right. it hurt and I wanted to swing on him, but he was right. And it was, he was like, you're a straight dog, bro. He's like, you just, you just like are like looking for wherever the love is from. Yeah, and I was just like, damn, you're right. You know what I mean? And I remember like I had a conversation wi