Adult Friendship Takes Work (WOOM 10/07/25)

Transcript

00:00:00 Darius: Welcome to Out the Trunk with Jordan and Darius. My name is Darius. That's these all up in the area on all socials.

00:00:06 Jordan: And I'm Jordan. That's Jordan B Riding on all socials.

00:00:09 Darius: This is our Shooting the **** segment. What's on our mind? What's going on? Musings, if you will. Jordan, you said you wanted to start this one off. So what's up?

00:00:18 Jordan: Yeah, so I got a really like deep philosophical question I want to ask you.

00:00:21 Darius: Okay.

00:00:23 Jordan: No pressure to answer. Okay. So if there's a coconut tree And there's a monkey, a giraffe, and a zebra. Who's going to get to the banana first?

00:00:37 Darius: There's a coconut tree, and there's a monkey, a giraffe, and a zebra. There's the banana. Who's going to get to the banana first?

00:00:48 Jordan: Yeah.

00:00:48 Darius: That doesn't make any sense to coconut tree. Why there be a banana in it?

00:00:52 Jordan: Oh, you got it.

00:00:53 Darius: Yeah.

00:00:55 Jordan: You don't remember that question?

00:00:57 Darius: I was playing it off like I didn't remember, but yes, I remember that. I was just going along with the bit.

00:01:05 Jordan: No, not for you. Yeah, I was hanging out with Jay for Friday or Saturday. I stopped in to hang out for a little bit and he told me that and I was like, he's like, man, Darius did not get the answer right.

00:01:16 Darius: I didn't at all because I was well. I was not exactly sober, but no, I didn't catch it at all. And honestly, this is how I knew of the story, but I thought for some reason it was told at your birthday party. I didn't even remember that it was Jay. And so I was assuming that because you went back home or back to your friends or wherever you went last Friday, that you forgot that I was there to heard the story. And so I was playing off like I hadn't heard it before. So the pod just learned, I'm really good at lying. And no, I totally forgot that that was Jay who told the story. But no, you cannot get a banana from a coconut tree.

00:01:58 Jordan: That is true.

00:01:58 Darius: It is a sleight of hand. He's a magician. Any more tongue twisters and teasers or anything like that?

00:02:10 Jordan: Nothing off the top of my head. That was never really my thing. I got some, I knew some knock jokes back in the day, but it's been a while since I read a joke book. Knock, knock jokes.

00:02:18 Darius: All right. Moving right along. Real quick, I saw this tweet, man. And it just made me, it made me so real because I saw this new soul food restaurant and the tweet said, One thing that gets me about, one thing that gets me is that black carryout spots, no matter if it's soul food, Jamaican or any African food spots, African is like a whole continent, but nonetheless, they be charging an arm and a leg. He was like, Mexican and Chinese carryout don't be doing that. And you know what? Sometimes when you're right, you're right. Yeah. There's a new, I'm not going to name the restaurant. Soul food comes at a cost. Well, as someone who cooks, I will say soul food, often doesn't translate to a commercial setting because it's very labor intensive. And let's say you have an Italian restaurant. You can make a giant pot of red sauce and just use that **** all day. And no one cares. You can't do that with a pan of macaroni and cheese. You cannot do that with a pan of greens. You can't do that with baked beans. Like there's just.

00:03:20 Jordan: You can literally only do that with the grease.

00:03:22 Darius: Correct. And All that **** has to be fried fresh. And you can bring, even with Italian food, you can bring meatballs back to life 4 hours later out of the fridge, straight out of the fridge and bring it back to 4 hours labor and it'll taste just fine. You can't do that with fried chicken. You can't. That is true. And so soul food is very labor intensive and it does not hold as long as other foods. So even with all those disclaimers, man, there's this new soul food restaurant in Carrie North Carolina. And for those listeners who aren't from the area, Raleigh, Raleigh, Carrier, same thing, the same thing. And I looked at the pricing because, support black business and a two meat plate with two sides and cornbread was $30.28. I'm not going to lie. It was $28. 28. And I just for takeout and I'm like, do you know how much general top chicken I can get for $28?

00:04:21 Jordan: Yeah, no, you can get two. Yeah, you can get two orders. you can get like the two quarts and maybe a pint.

00:04:28 Darius: Yeah. Do you know how many beer tacos I get for $28? Yes. You know, it's like, why is this so much, man? And it's like, you know, I tweeted about it. Like the price positioning is weird because it's carryout, right? And let's just say you and your old lady, it's a Saturday, the game is on, you don't feel like cooking. So I just go pick up some carryout. For both of you, it's $70, we might as well go out to eat. Like, what is it? Like, I don't understand where this price point is positioning yourself in the food market. Yeah, correct.

00:04:58 Jordan: Or you could literally just DoorDash the tacos and it would be the same price with all the fees.

00:05:02 Darius: Not even. It'd be less than that.

00:05:03 Jordan: Well, not even.

00:05:04 Darius: Yeah, you know, they just, if two people are 70 bucks to eat, like for takeout, you know, you get it in the ******* Styrofoam cup, take Styrofoam box takeout. I might as well just go out to eat. You know, I don't understand. where this what this this doesn't make any sense to me so that's what I wanted to say about that.

00:05:25 Jordan: Yeah yeah you got to really be in the mood to like do carry out with with like soul food and **** like that or even like Jamaican food great drink good Jamaican spots that we like are always like across town yeah that too and they're usually out of stuff or you got to wait and which that's not their fault that's just you know demanding stuff but yeah it's not always convenient and.

00:05:47 Darius: It's often not that great because soul food Made at scale, like, the love that I can make one pan of macaroni and cheese. And that's fine. But like to think about like quadrupling that and then doing that every hour and keeping that same level of quality. Yeah, it's ******* it's hard, man. It's hard.

00:06:08 Jordan: So you can't mass produce and still put your foot in it.

00:06:11 Darius: No, you can't. And you just not the same way you can. Like I said earlier, with a big *** pot of red sauce, like you could just, you know, it just. And that should'll last all day. But anyways, I don't think there's a lot of meat on that bone. No pun intended. So making friends as an adult, what do you want to talk about that?

00:06:29 Jordan: Yeah, so a good friend of mine who's a little bit younger than me, they asked me what did I do in terms of like making friends in my 20s or how did I start making friends as an adult after like kind of the college phase when you just get fresh out of college phase? It actually stopped me for a while because I really like couldn't remember. and at first, you kind of take for granted when the friends you have, when you have them, you get, so you sit on the street, how you meet them. It made me think, like, I remember at that time period, I was like, I did, I do remember I was like 25, 26, and I was like really trying to figure out, okay, like, how do I meet people? they always say like, don't, make friends with people you work with, because that's a mistake, which it is, but also you do spend more time with them than you spend with your family. So that's a hard, it's.

00:07:14 Darius: A hard, I think it's fine to make friends with coworkers. It's a terrible idea to **** your coworkers.

00:07:18 Jordan: That is true. That's true. It can be terrible, too. That can work as long as you, too.

00:07:25 Darius: You know, I think it works as long as you don't talk about work. Like I have a coworker who is also from Minnesota and we'll text about the Vikings in the Vikings game. And, you know, like we don't obviously when we chat about work, Via work, it's a bit looser. But I still keep in mind that this is a coworker.

00:07:47 Jordan: This is right.

00:07:48 Darius: And I treat it like I'm being recorded, you know, like.

00:07:51 Jordan: Saying, you don't say anything that they can't that they can use in a court of law. All right.

00:07:56 Darius: But yeah, I think it's fine to make friends at work. Just don't **** your coworkers.

00:07:59 Jordan: That's that's true, too. And I said, like, I think a big thing, at least in our generation is going out alone can seem like a very like intimidating idea. Because a lot of people now just only go out in groups, it feels like. I told them that was one thing that I started doing, just going out alone, just getting comfortable doing these by yourself so that you are able to function socially in a group in a way. I think also one thing I started doing was just doing **** that I enjoy. And then that's how I found people that had the same interests as I did. When I started going to poetry and doing open mics, I met a lot of people. You go to more mics, meet more people, that leads into other communities, stuff like that. That was one thing that definitely helped me develop my social circle as a young adult.

00:08:51 Darius: What I will say. is for the youngins. Enjoy the time when all of your friends are in the same city. You'll never get that.

00:08:59 Jordan: Yes.

00:09:00 Darius: So just enjoy that. Never get that again. Milk that for all it's worth. Enjoy that. You'll never get that again. And also, you know, as you make friends as an adult, be cognizant of the fact that adult life is a bit more hectic than.

00:09:14 Jordan: Yes.

00:09:14 Darius: Young adult life, college life, whatever. And sometimes your friends, through no malice, just might not have time for you. And like, I'm sure like with poetry friends, you don't have to name names. Like it runs hot and it runs cold. And it's not anyone's fault. It's just that, you know, like you might link with that person four times in six weeks and then not see them for six months. And it's not, literally, that's literally wack.

00:09:36 Jordan: Absolutely.

00:09:38 Darius: It's not like college. We don't all live in the same St. You know, like, you know, like it's just harder than that. But what I will say is I read a book a while ago, Robert Putnam's called Bowling Alone. I think it was released in the 90s. So it was quite prescient for the time. And it was just like, all of the third spaces have sort of been removed. You know, you don't go to, people don't go to bowl. There's no bowl. Like when you watch like The Simpsons and or, or Married with Children and Al has like a bowling league. Right. That was him socializing. And like, there's no bowling.

00:10:16 Jordan: Cheers.

00:10:17 Darius: Yeah, like cheers or like, but see the bowling leagues, the pool leagues, the poetry, like that's all, especially for men like that's, you have to find a way to socialize. in a disarmed way. Like you're not going to go out for friends. You have to just find things that you enjoy and make friends while doing that.

00:10:35 Jordan: Correct. Yes.

00:10:36 Darius: And also, you know, be cognizant of how you present yourself in public. If you're on your phone at the bar, sitting there staring at your phone, you look unapproachable, whether you want to be approached or not. No one's going to talk to someone while they type on their phone. And you know, if you're watching the game, say something out loud. Someone might hear what you said and engage in conversation with you. Now, do I want to debate, do first take every night in the bar? No, but if that's your thing, you can find it. I've traveled for work. I've traveled. I've moved a couple of times. I've done a lot. I've gone out solo A lot. Life is what you make it, man. If you go out and you just If you're angry faced and staring at your phone all night, you're not going to meet anybody. And if you always say no to stuff and people invite you to this watch party or this event, and I'm not Mr. Social, but I try to say yes enough to where you can get out the house. And you know, You have to, like I said, life is what you make it and you have to put effort into it that you're not going to make friends playing PlayStation every night. You're just not not in real life. You might make some internet friends and those are real friends. Don't get me wrong, but it's just different. Like there's just a different connection with real life friends with internet friends or whatever. So I know I got people who, you know, they work remote. And then they get off work and then they go to the gym with headphones on the whole time and they get back from the gym and then they watch TV and then they go to sleep. And I'm like, well, what opportunity was there for you to make friends or meet a woman? Where was anyone supposed to talk to you at any of that? And you have to, it was something I had to learn myself is you have to put the effort in yourself before, if you want results, because it's not just gonna happen. It's not, you're not in college anymore. You're not, No, you're just not, that environment isn't coming back. So it requires just a little bit more effort to get there.

00:12:36 Jordan: Yeah, that's the thing about like finish after like all your school years in secondary school and obviously undergrad education, things of that nature is there's no longer, like proximity is no longer as big of a factor in friendships. Like even like in, was a movie we did last week, Good Boys, where the leader said like, you know, when you get older, it's not so much you're just, a lot of times you realize when you were young, your friends, people, friends with people because your parents were friends or live on the same St. and you lived in the same neighborhood, you're in the same cul-de-sac, like now it's so much more difficult to maintain and uphold these friendships, because everybody's got their **** going on. Like say, like it's, we work Monday through Friday. So that's those days are usually too tired after work or you're too busy. You got to get ready for the next day. If you got to travel that weekend and they don't have to and they they're working or they have to travel and you're working, that's another two weeks. You won't see each other like they can very easily add up to snowball to, like you said, being six months before you link again.

00:13:30 Darius: Like, you know, the thing is social socialization is a is a muscle to like any other. Right. And you know, when you want your chest to grow or your arms to grow, you go to the gym and you It like sitting on the couch is comfortable. Lifting those weights is uncomfortable. You have to be, you have to be comfortable being uncomfortable. And you go to the gym and then you lift that heavy **** and it hurts and your biceps grow and it feels great. And like you have to, you have to be able to, you have to embrace that discomfort just like you with your social muscles, just like you do with, you know, working out. And it's like, okay, go in. going to that poetry by myself and not knowing anyone, that's uncomfortable. that, I hate these words, but it unlocks some sort of like social anxiety. But to me, that social anxiety is just your muscles resisting that tension. And, you know, like you, you're not going to get any better at it. And your muscles are never going to grow if you just take that anxiety and go back home. Like you have to, have to power through, you know, like that.

00:14:33 Jordan: Your anxiety doesn't get better by not doing things.

00:14:36 Darius: That's not to say that anxiety isn't real, but to stay with the metaphor. I think a lot of it is just unused muscles and like that feeling that you get like when you were a kid and your parents made you go to the neighborhood kids birthday party, birthday party too, because you didn't know anyone there. That was anxiety, but you just work through it and you got power through it. And like, I just feel like we stop powering through it, you know, and it's like, yes, what part of that is A lot of the cultural institutions we don't do, like millennials haven't gotten married at the same rate, haven't had kids the same rate. We don't go to church at the same levels. But like a lot of that was socialization. You know, like when the kids go to the park and the dads hang out and have a beer and talk about the Vikings game, that's socializing. But like that isn't there anymore. Or like, you know, my parents, I'm not a religious person, but my parents are quite religious. And, you know, I used to feel a way about them going to church, but like I said, those are the people that bring them soup when they're sick. Those are the people who let them borrow their car when their car is broken down. Like that's very valuable, even if I don't have a connection to it spiritually. And so we've sort of stopped the family formation and the having the children and the church, but we didn't really replace it with anything.

00:15:52 Jordan: That's correct.

00:15:52 Darius: And it's not that you have to do that like that. It's a free world. You can choose whatever you want to do, but you need to replace the social aspects that came with that with something, because if you're just sitting around watching Netflix slop all day, it's not, it's not going to be better, like you have to go out, you have to find reasons to, if your favorite team is playing, you're in a new city, Google that favorite. Is there any bars with that favorite team?

00:16:19 Jordan: Is there any that team bar? Yep.

00:16:21 Darius: Go to there. Talk to somebody. There's A Vikings fan there. There's A Commanders fan there. There's A Broncos fan. So every city has a bar for your team.

00:16:27 Jordan: Correct.

00:16:28 Darius: Every big city.

00:16:29 Jordan: Yeah, like same, like that's a real thing. Like my mom, like growing up, my mom had a book club and you know, her friends come over on Saturdays or they go to different states which hosting every, you know, every week or whatever. And like, was it really, were they talking about books all the time? No, not really. It was an excuse to hang out. have charcuterie boards, I think it was called that at the time, whatever, and drink some wine and shoot their **** and, relax without their kids stressing them out and ******* them off, stuff like that.

00:16:53 Darius: Or with the kids. I remember my mom would do that **** on the kids just being in the basement, playing PlayStation.

00:16:57 Jordan: Yep, we just do that basement. PlayStation. Correct. Or even like, you know, like my dad, we, you know, the barbershop, like we would go to the barbershop and we we would just be there all day and we'd just be hanging out and he'd give us 20 bucks to go across the street to KFC and we'd come back and we'd hang out with the guys and we'd hear **** we weren't supposed to be hearing, obviously, but like, you know, it's socialization. And I feel like that's really a lost part of society now. I don't know how much the pandemic played a role in that too. I feel like a lot of people lost their social muscles and never gained them back. But.

00:17:29 Darius: It's like any other muscle, and I say this as a card-carrying introvert, man. If you, don't, if you don't stretch it out, if you don't put it under tension, it's not gonna get better, you know?

00:17:38 Jordan: No, **** ***.