B.A.P.S. (1997)

Jordan: Yeah, considering that movie, not **** happened in that movie.

Darius: Yeah, you didn't even rate it.

Jordan: There's nothing to say about the rating. Halle Perry looked good in those pajamas. The end. Hey everybody, welcome to Out the Train Pile with Jordan Darius. This is our movie review segment. My name is Jordan. That's Jordan me writing on all socials.

Darius: And I'm Darius. That's these all up in the area on all socials.

Jordan: And today we're going to be reviewing the cult classic Baps, came out in 1997, starring Halle Berry, Natalie DeSelle, rest in peace, Martin Landau, Ian Richardson, Pierre Richards, and Bernie Mac, also rest in peace. Baps is about Niecy and Mickey, who are two ambitious waitresses from Georgia who head to LA to audition for a music video dance role, hoping to raise money to open their dream business, a combination hair salon and soul food restaurant. Through a wild turn of events, they end up living in a Beverly Hills mansion, pretending to be the granddaughters of a wealthy, ailing millionaire's long-lost love. Along the way, they bring plenty of southern flavor, gold teeth, and sky-high hair to the upper class. That's all Steve for act one.

Darius: Act one from Georgia to Beverly Hills. Niecy and Mickey pack up their dreams and heavy Southern accents to make it big in LA. When the video audition falls through, they get scouted by the scheming nephew of an aging billionaire, Mr. Blackmore, who offers him 10 bands, $10,000 to bring joy to his uncle's final days. Shout out Robert Townsend. I don't even know he directed this.

Jordan: Oh ****.

Darius: He puts people over there. Bernie Mac was in this joint. Faison Love was in this joint. AJ Johnson was in this joint. It's funny, we'll go back in 90s movies and just seeing all the cameo appearances. Yeah. It's funny. So movie opens with the breakfast diner and it just made me wish that Raleigh had actually had a good breakfast diner. Not brunch, actual greasy spoon breakfast diner. We did not have one of those. If you are listening and you are so inclined, start one.

Jordan: Please. Yeah. First thing I thought of when I when they opened the opening scene was Waffle House.

Darius: Man, I'm a ******* pork chops look so good. Hash browns.

Jordan: Yeah, they did, man.

Darius: Nothing like that exists in Raleigh.

Jordan: I know, man. It sucks. It's funny. They made me think of like when I've worked in like various, you know, restaurants and fast food and all that stuff. And it's when the guy asks for like He's like, no, I wanted it hard toasted hard, but not burnt, whatever. And it's always the customers who are the most high maintenance. They give the worst tips.

Darius: Yeah. Why'd you burn my toast, baby? This movie is so 90s because it's just.

Jordan: It is.

Darius: Just people telling jokes. They don't make no damn sense. Like, you know, there's really no plot. Being in the club without $16 is absolutely insane.

Jordan: That should be a crime, actually. You should go to jail for that. What did you expect to happen? What did you think you were going to buy for 16 bucks? That's all I want to know.

Darius: Just, I don't, like, stay in the crib, man. It's cool. Just lay low for a little bit.

Jordan: Just sit out, wait, for the next paycheck. It's a Friday every week. It's cool.

Darius: Yeah, you know, like the same people are going to be in the same spots. You ain't missing nothing.

Jordan: Correct. Yeah, it's funny because I'm like, you're out on, but it was funny that when they met the dudes at the bar and they were like, all right, it's ladies night. And the guys were like, well.

Darius: I thought that meant that they don't, dude. When's the last time you think Halle Berry's paid for her own beverage?

Jordan: I mean, honestly, I don't think she's ever played ever.

Darius: I really don't.

Jordan: Woman that beautiful? Do you think she's, I don't think, yeah, no. Do you think she knows how much rent is?

Darius: It's funny though, because this is probably the worst she's looked at a movie. You actually have to try. Yeah, of all of her movie looks, this is probably the worst one. They could make her look poor and broke if they tried. Like, if they tried, it did not work.

Jordan: It just looked like she was in a Halloween costume.

Darius: Yeah, it really did. It looked like she was acting.

Jordan: Yeah, literally. Yeah.

Darius: What else you got for act one?

Jordan: So we got, okay, they're dancing in the, they're in the line for the video vixen. auditions or whatever, and they're dancing in the street like deranged prostitutes. And then you see the Hispanic guy and he's like, yeah, we, I want to cast you guys in a role or whatever. In fact, they were like, yeah, cool, we'll do it. Like, they didn't sound creepy at all to you or underhanded in any way.

Darius: In the 90s, man, no one cared about sex trafficking. Also, the prize was 10 grand. So they were fly. They spend all their savings to fly to LA for one day to win 10 bands. And then what? I don't.

Jordan: Yeah, I don't. Could you open a restaurant for $10,000?

Darius: I don't know. no I don't know what it was if you could open the restaurant you couldn't still you'd have to like pay rent and have an apartment or something you know so you don't need to open a restaurant how much money again 90s movies but like how much do they think video girls made um I don't know it wasn't I don't know I wonder huh.

Jordan: That's a good question.

Darius: I don't even think you could get Well, you could now for sure. But in the 90s, you might get into an apartment with 10 grand, but that's three months. That's all your rent going to be burned up. So true. You got anything else?

Jordan: Yeah, I mean, I mean, not much happens in act one, honestly. They're just they're with those bum dudes. Okay, actually, why were they dressed like it was the 70s? I mean, the dudes like who were in the club. Why were they dressed like that? What was with the fence? He's wearing a hat and a wig. I was genuinely confused.

Darius: I don't know. The Robin Townsend movie. They just.

Jordan: Yeah, yeah.

Darius: And yeah, like it might have been like a theme party, but no one else was dressed that way. I think it was a very heavy-handed way of saying these were like older, washed, outdated losers. It just, very bad expanded with it.

Jordan: Either that or that was like Robert Townsend's take on like Southern fashion in the 90s.

Darius: Could be. Could be. All right. Act 2, the makeover of a mansion instead of letting Beverly Hills change them. Nisi and Mickey completely remodel the mansion's vibe. They teach the stiff butler manly how to groove, cook up comfort food, and form a genuine heartwarming bond with Mr. Blakemore, who finds a renewed spark for life. Is this a magical ***** movie? Because I feel like it is.

Jordan: Yes, absolutely. 100%. I thought the same thing. This movie is like, if you take Bring Down the House, but remove like the nuance. Like bring it on the house and like it was there was an element of that, but it was like, that was the joke. I think they were dead serious.

Darius: No, they were dead serious. Like she literally feeds him like seasoned food and he like comes back to life and the next day he's like.

Jordan: Yeah, she's like, oh, she's like, oh, Master Johnson, I'm gonna get Master Johnson. I cook up some real good food for you, sir. She's like, nah, you need some kind of green.

Darius: Yeah, that was not a healthy plate either. She's like, this is gonna be healthy for you.

Jordan: Yeah. Even the butler was like, isn't this like high in sodium? And once you get diabetes and or.

Darius: Hospital or whatever, like the plate was this big, like the portion sizes were out of control. And it's like, yeah, I mean, it's not deep fried, I guess, but that doesn't necessarily mean it's healthy.

Jordan: She was like, I could go for you, sir.

Darius: It really is a magical ***** movie. They like thought about a dance.

Jordan: Yeah, they really did. They really, really did.

Darius: Man.

Jordan: The crazy part is this movie came out 97. Halle Berry got X-Men like three years later.

Darius: Yeah. I mean, it's funny because I was like looking and I was like, is this like her breakout role or something? And she just took it. But like, no, she had done Boomerang.

Jordan: Yeah.

Darius: Jason's lyric. No, that was Jada Pinkett Smith. Yeah, she had credits like she didn't have to do that.

Jordan: She had done ****.

Darius: Yeah, she was just. I mean, she wanted I mean, she black. Maybe she just wanted to work with Robert Townsend. It was a legend, you know.

Jordan: Yeah, that's probably what it was. I would assume that's what it was. Yeah. Yeah. They definitely played the magical ******* in this movie for sure. It made me think of. Okay, so I got a question for you. If you were to read make this movie today with like two modern celebrities, actresses, whoever, who would you cast as the characters as the two girls in this movie? So I have mine. I want to see if you have the same people.

Darius: They have to be just as outlandish.

Jordan: Yeah.

Darius: I mean, she might be too old for the role now, but Tiffany Haddish.

Jordan: Oh, OK. Yeah, yeah.

Darius: Wyatt is her name.

Jordan: Palmer.

Darius: Palmer and Tiffany Haddish. OK, I would go with. But that's a good do it now.

Jordan: Yeah. Yeah, I think so. That's a good duo. Mine was a sexy red, a young Miami.

Darius: Well, I thought we were talking about actual actresses.

Jordan: Oh, okay. Okay. Actresses. I guess I would. I would go Keke Palmer, too, and then I'd maybe go. It's like a young black actress. I mean, do we have we don't have a lot. Maybe like Chloe Bailey. I think that would be funny in that in that kind of role.

Darius: Sexy red and young Miami couldn't read the script. So I don't really know.

Jordan: That is also true.

Darius: Get through the filming of the movie. I don't know. They still read with their finger on the page. You got anything else for Act 2, man?

Jordan: Act 2, Act 2. Oh yeah. So I do love the scene where he sends the butler or whatever to the record store.

Darius: Yeah.

Jordan: And there's like a list of records that they need, they need him to get. And so when he walks in, the black dude's like, hey, man, so we got the classical section right over there.

Darius: It was a funny movie. I laughed a few times. Well, I mean, I would do the same. You know, I mean, I might ask what you're looking for, but like, yeah, like the Kimmy G's over here.

Jordan: So.

Darius: I would assume that he was, you know, looking for Beethoven's greatest hits or whatever.

Jordan: Right? Yeah. I will say, though, the best way to have my money is one of my favorite and most underrated songs from the nineties. I don't know if you've ever heard it before.

Darius: I have. I just.

Jordan: It's a banger. I love that song. Very misogynistic. So, like, maybe don't play around women, but it's a fun song to listen to.

Darius: They don't currently listen to Spendat, so I don't really think they're quite discerning in the content. Not all women, token, disclaimer. But no, I mean, it's a magical ***** movie, but like, that's fine. It's 100%. Yeah.

Jordan: It wasn't, it wasn't supposed to be anything important or culturally significant.

Darius: Right. It's fine to make silly ****. I mean, we need more, whimsy in Hollywood. So.

Jordan: Yeah, we do.

Darius: Anything else for I2?

Jordan: Yeah, that's all I got for Act 2.

Darius: Moving into Act 3, we got the real princesses. The nephew's greedy scheme unravels when the girls realize they're being used to manipulate Mr. Blakemore's will. Despite the drama and a devastating loss, Niecy and Mickey prove that their heart and loyalty were always real, ultimately getting the happy ending and the business that they fought for. I love how they've done all of this in like 3 weeks. Right. Speaking of funny, man, AJ Johnson crying by the pool. I laughed out loud, man. What he said.

Jordan: No, that was funny. That's funny.

Darius: You shouldn't have to wear your Sunday clothes on Wednesday. That's funny. That was freaky.

Jordan: No, he was funny. He's like, you should have a backyard.

Darius: I want to eat too. I'll go to restaurants and they'll order food.

Jordan: Yeah, What did he say they had like Parmesan and water or something like that?

Darius: You said you should have to wear your Sunday clothes over Wednesday. Why does she have three outfits?

Jordan: I have two days of clothes.

Darius: That's poor, man. That is.

Jordan: Yeah. No, that's.

Darius: The trenches.

Jordan: Yeah, that's like worse than the set it off.

Darius: Oh, for sure. To no one's surprise. Critics hated this movie. You know, but it's a hood classic. But critics hated. Yeah. Critics hated, you know, what's the Napoleon Dynamite? Like every movie ain't supposed to be super serious.

Jordan: So 98 on Rotten Tomatoes.

Darius: Yeah. Critics hated it, but the hood loved it. And ultimately the hood did love it.

Jordan: The hood.

Darius: Critics. I mean, Halle Berry has a lot of movies like that, you know?

Jordan: She makes a lot of. Yeah. Yeah.

Darius: I mean, she's not a great actress, but she's just hot.

Jordan: True. She, she's like, she, so I would say more so. I think she's a good actress. I just think that she's like, she's almost like Kobe Bryant, where like, as a legend, like all time great. But like, if you look at the shooting percentage, it's really not that good. But they gave you moments.

Darius: And the highs were high. You got anything else for act three?

Jordan: I did like at the end where He's passed, he's passed away. The old guy passed away. And they're saying like, they're telling the lawyer like, okay, hey, so like, just, you know, like we weren't actually related to his long lost love or whatever. And they're like, she's like, yeah, we knew, we knew, he knew that. She didn't have any kids. It was a nice little sweet touch at the end of the movie. That they had grown to love that guy for all of, you know, three weeks or however long they'd been in LA.

Darius: I mean, he literally given them thousands of dollars and.

Jordan: You know yeah fun of the lifestyle and shopping and all that.

Darius: It's kind of this movie actually go ahead.

Jordan: This movie actually is this is basically we take spin that and make it a movie yeah I was it's maps.

Darius: He's been his last days with hookers I even it's like.

Jordan: I thought that too because at the one point I was like are you not going to really?

Darius: His last days tricking on escorts uh that just had his nephew found in a line and he on his dying bed he's with two escorts and two schemers like live a life that's a bad way to go your last couple weeks entertaining 2 strange women who are just there because you're rich yeah that's a bad that's a bad way to go that's a bad way to go out man who are lying to you about their connection and you know they're lying to you but you just want the company you're gonna because all you got you know that's the only person that's nice to you in ******* years What a miserable living. But yes, I found the scam. He went out with a smile on his face, you know.

Jordan: He did. He did. Lawyer was cute, though.

Darius: She was. What else you got for Act 3?

Jordan: That's literally all I have for Act 3. I'm not even gonna lie to you. There's not a lot that happens in this movie. It's just like it's just him being funny.

Darius: Yeah, and it's short. But I got a closing question. So the hybrid business model was a soul food hair salon, which is unsanitary as hell. But that's beside the point.

Jordan: That's ****. That's disgusting.

Darius: If we were to open a podcast studio with a hybrid business, what would the business be? I want to see if we have the same answer.

Jordan: Okay. Oh, that's a good one. Okay, so podcast studio slash something. I'm going to go sports bar.

Darius: I have bar. We got the right answer. Ding, ding, ding.

Jordan: Yeah, probably we get the people drunk and just record episodes. There you go. Get these crazy sports takes off.

Darius: All right. All right. Thanks for listening. My name is Darius. That's these I love you area on all socials.

Jordan: And I'm Jordan. That's Jordy B riding on all socials.

Darius: Please rate, like, and subscribe. We're at Out the Trunk Pod on all socials. That is Out the Trunk Pod on all socials.

Jordan: And for anyone going to move recommendations, feel free to reach out to us via, oops, reach out to us via e-mail at outthetrunkpod@gmail.com. That's outthetrunkpod@gmail.com. That's a wrap. Thanks for coming to the movies with us. We'll be back next week with another episode.

Darius: All right, y'all.

Jordan: Take care.